Parenting older teens and young adults: Maintaining healthy relationships in this shift

Parenting in Penticton, BC and beyond

Quality time is important-it can open doors to deep and meaningful conversations. Patience is key.

Parenting doesn't end-- it simply evolves. If you’re navigating the challenges of raising older teens, or supporting young adults as they find their footing, I want to remind you that you're not alone.

Redefine What Support Looks Like

In this emerging-into-adulthood stage, they continue to need guidance, but not unsolicited advice. They need you to listen, encourage, and cheer-lead them as they make decisions, despite lack of certainty and absence of clarity.

Try swapping advice for curiosity:

• "What are your ideas?"

• "How can I support your ideas without taking over?"

The approach of curiosity helps teens and young adults feel capable, respected, and rooted for, which is paramount as they move into adulthood. There will be mishaps, and they will make mistakes (we experienced these as well).

They will learn and grow, and they need the confidence that you will be non-judgmentally available in the midst of the bumps and bruises.

Keep the Door Open — Literally and Emotionally

Prioritizing connections is essential. This doesn't mean calling them up and asking 20 pointed questions, or passively (but actually not so passively) asking these same pointed questions.

If this becomes the norm for your conversations, they may begin to distance, or even stop responding altogether.

Try talking about anything but "do you have your life figure out yet?" topics.

Let them open up these themes on their own, if they so choose.

And if and when they do, your interest and curiosity are key.

Connection doesn’t have to be complicated — small gestures matter. Invite your adult child for a walk along the KVR trail, grab a coffee on Main Street, or better yet, spend time together doing something that they enjoy. But of course food and iced lattes (with cold foam of course) are almost always encouraging of their participation in quality time. (Call it bribery, if you must :))

These invitations show that your love and support remains a constant, no matter how much life changes.

Let Their Autonomy Be the Goal

While it can be natural to want to help, sometimes help becomes take-over. Allowing your young adult to make their own decisions builds confidence and maturity.

Offer guidance when asked, and when mistakes happen, respond with empathy rather than “I told you so.” This creates space for learning and keeps communication open.

You’re still their safe place--Keep it that way

At the end of the day, your presence — not perfection — is what matters most. Staying calm (calm creates safety), consistent, and curious helps your relationship with your teen or young adult continue to thrive.

I am a trained and registered clinical counsellor in Penticton, offering support for parents and families as the muddle through this emerging-adulthood stage. Goals can include, and are not limited to, strengthening healthy communication, setting healthy boundaries, and maintaining connections through life transitions.

Sessions are also available online.

You are welcome to book a session using this link:

https://onejourneycounselling.janeapp.com/#staff_member/1

--Melanie

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